Dreams are for children

Another realization: Dreams are for children.

My dreams of happiness and success are empty and hollow. My wishes and desires for the heart of another person, now lost to me are but ash in the wind. Gone much like the magician's flash paper.

As I have been reflecting on the changes I need to make in me, and through me to the world about me, I've come to the edge of myself, and the empty darkness is there.

And there begins the nightmare. Control the nightmare, stop the fall into nothing, and find your way. Nightmares are for adults.

Idealistic dreams are for children and those with no responsibilities.

Aspirations are based on an attainable reality. Aspirations helped man fly, made the telephone a reality and put an end to Hitler. Aspirations are the antidote to the blackness of the nightmare.



To be or not to be

“To be or not to be.” The eternal question posed by Shakespeare so many years ago is rather poignant, tonight, for me, personally.

The last few months have been a bit difficult for me. I've left a good job, left loved ones and moved halfway across the country to tend to family. No discussion, no thought to much of anyone but my own selfish desires. I don't believe I was wrong in my decision, but definitely wrong in the execution. The manner in which I did certain things left people hurt and alone and unsupported.

In one review, it was an escape from a situation quickly going askew. A relationship that was changing in a way I did not feel ready for, but needed to go into, if I stayed. A relationship I sincerely wish I had had the foresight to better protect. Because of this failure, people I care for have been hurt. And I now wish I had nurtured the situation, because I now know, one is never ready, but simply must do. I wish I was doing so, now. I feel I have a lot left to give this world, and my heart is a good place to start sharing.

In another review, I wept and wallowed is misery on how I was again alone, and on and on. All so bad for me, always so bad,my life sucks, etc. A self pity party of near colossally epic proportions. During which less than nice things were said or written. Childish temper tantrums were sent through the postal mail, and I regret every word of it.

I know it can't be done overnight, but how does an adult, finally, grow up?

And that brings us back to the beginning of this post; 'To be or not to be', that is my question to myself. One I finally understand and answer “Yes, to be. To be the grown up I should be. That is what I wish of myself.” But how to get there, from here?